Forum: Close to Home
Topic: Viewpoints - The U.S. spends two-thirds of its drug war budget on interdiction and law enforcement and one-third on treatment and prevention. Is this the appropriate ratio?
Topic Posted by: Close To HomeDate Posted: Wed Mar 18 15:22:22 1998
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Posted by: Teresa E. Johnson (teresajohnson@yahoo.com )
Date posted: Mon Mar 30 22:32:24 1998
Subject: War Casualties
Message:
This letter is specifically for every lawmaker, teacher, police officer and parent that is involved in fighting the war on drugs. It's for every American who reads with satisfaction of another hometown drug arrest. Not even drug users could question your good intentions.
BUT YOU'RE KILLING US!
Every time you punish one of us as a criminal, you're reinforcing the exact feelings that brought us to drugs in the first place. Only criminals go to jail. The shame and fear of being looked at as a common criminal (a "doper") prevented me from seeking guidance and help back when I was truly and wholly confused about why life seemed so bleak.
I used to hold a notary public commission. I was often under great pressure from employers or good clients to "bend" the law a little, to notarize documents which had not been properly executed. My refusals often brought accusations that I had ethics that were unnessarily high, that needlessly slowed the flow of documents and caused monetary losses even to myself. But even then, I didn't consider the monetary benefits to be worth the feeling of having sold out and the fear of punishment for my actions.
Compare that person to the one who was arrested for possession of methamphetamine and jailed for seven days. I was so shocked and humiliated that of course I believed that I was getting my just punishment. I had once served on a jury - I absolutely understood the concept behind herding me into court in handcuffs and leg shackles. The sheriff's department would be responsible if I got loose and contaminated the rest of the town with the filth I carried in my head.
But when I was released from jail, I could no longer try to be a decent human being. Driven away from my friends by the disgust I saw in their eyes, I turned to the only people who wouldn't condemn me. The drug community. When it became immediately apparent that that was no way to live, the only other option seemed to be death.
Luckily for me, I have a parent who lives out of state and is willing to help me. I truly believe I would have killed myself had I been forced to stay in the town where I had been branded a doper. I had been jailed by police officers I once considered my peers. Through just a few hours of education and group theraph, I've come to realize that I have a chronic disease, the affects of which can be controlled. The area of my brain that is responsible for the level of pleasure I receive from any given activity does not function properly. That's hard for me to admit. Me, the one who's always been told I have a great head on my shoulders. Now I know why I never could be satisfied with the "little things" in life.
I am fighting back bitterness. If only I had known this just three years ago, I might never have thrown my life away. So many millions of dollars are wasted jailing the casualties of this war on drugs. Those dollars could be used to reach out and to educate people like me. Education will give us the tools we need to function despite our handicap.
With God's help and good therapy I will learn to once again contribute good things to the community in which I live. But my therapy would be so much easier if I didn't first have to get through the post-traumatic stress of the jail experience. I can't imagine I'm the only one ever to have been locked in jail counting the jours until I'm "free" to get high again.
There are ways of killing oneself that don't require dying.
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